Chocolate Covered Vulnerability & Creativity

Tonight I made a batch of chocolate chip pancakes for a party of one.  Friends and family might be shocked by this breaking news as the menu choice is quite the departure from my normal color-wheel of fruits and vegetables.  The initial thought was met with some resistance, but I caved at my belly and mind’s persistence.  I made the spontaneous journey to the store and collected the ingredients to bring to life my grand idea of breakfast for dinner with some dessert mixed into the batter. 

I did not invent this food form of multitasking and collage; that honor goes to Mrs. Areen who first introduced me to pancakes as a canvas for culinary creativity.   Her daughter Jessica and I became best friends in kindergarten playing  practical jokes on the teacher switching name tags during circle time (we looked exactly alike) and we were unified in our dream to become dolphin trainers at Sea World.  

Every Saturday after swim meets, we would return to Jessica’s house for more pool time to deepen the grooves on our pruning skin.  Our long hours of play would lead to a late-night slumber party and the smell of pancakes on the griddle was our Sunday morning alarm clock.  Awaiting our arrival to the table was an open invitation to explore pancake art with colored sprinkles, chocolate chips, Red Hots, caramel sauce, gummy bears, powdered sugar, and gum drops.  It was messy and fantastically freeing to play with our food, and we left the table with a stomach ache from all the laughter versus the over consumption of sugar. 

The Sunday morning ritual awarded chocolate chip pancakes one of the top spots on my list of comfort foods, but tonight they were less than magical.  For a brief moment, I felt the same delight, joy, and mischief as the eight year old girl revealing her chocolate covered teeth and powdered sugar mustache to her best friend.  when the fork clanked on the empty plate, I felt full but not satiated. 

In the past, I would have spent the next 24 hours shaming myself for choosing the pancakes over Pilates, but I don’t have time for the self-inflicted guilt trips anymore.  In fact, the timing of this chocolate chip pancake revival could not be more perfect.  A few weeks ago, I was inspired by my friend Jen who creates a list on her birthday of things numbering her years on the planet to do before her next slice of birthday cake.  Since, I’m about to approach the celebration of my half birthday, I decide to fudge the idea a bit and create a list of 32 things to do in 2012. 

The format of the list is simple – FREEDOM!  It is a working document that I can add to, switch out, and reassess at any time.  It doesn’t have to be complete or perfect.  In fact, an incomplete list maintains space for it to evolve in conjunction with my evolution over the next 365 days.   

The purpose of the list is simple – GROWTH!   The items on the list are meant to take me outside the box and turn me inside-out.  The list is inspiration to live at my edge so I can fall in line with my passion and live with intention that is empowered with an equal amount of determination. 

It is only three weeks into 2012 and I have already adjusted my list more times than I can count, and the chocolate chip pancakes edited my list yet again to something that made my soul & bones say “YES!” – 32 Ways to Nurture Connection in 2012!

The tricky thing about connection is that we tend to keep it superficial by practicing selective sharing with others and selective listening with ourselves.  I’m not really interested in “marshmallow connections,” the types that are fluffy with formality and fill the space, but are lacking any nutritional value to nourish the soul.  So the question is, “How can I nurture a deep connection with myself?  With others?  And with the global consciousness?”

The next morning, I was lead to the answer with a Facebook post guiding me to Brene’ Brown’s TED Talk, “The Power of Vulnerability.”  I was hooked as soon as she shared that “connection is why we are here, it is what gives meaning to our lives.”   This was reassuring, and I felt hopeful that I was on the trail of something big.  Brene’s research revealed that authentic connections are birthed from a willingness to be vulnerable.  We must have the courage to drop the story of who we think we should be and share who we are with our whole heart, including the imperfections. 

When the talk ended, my first thought was to change the focus of my list.  To the rational mind, vulnerability has the reputation of being uncomfortable, scary, and uncertain.  And the mind can put on quite the campaign recalling past memories and anticipating worse case scenarios to persuade me to vote “NO” on Proposition Vulnerability.  However, on the other side of the mind’s fire storm is the intuition of the heart that has a deeply rooted trust in the power of vulnerability to pull us towards our greatest purpose.  The heart has no fear of guilt, shame, anger, and sadness.  The heart knows that the experience of these emotions is the source of our connection to humanity with an intensity and depth that equals the connection manifested through a shared happiness, gratitude, and love. 

A direct route to vulnerability is to have an active creative practice.  We all have the capacity to create, and creativity is simply an outward expression of the inner YOU!  And the most exciting part is that it is guaranteed to be messy!  Organization is mind-made and requires boxes, labels, and a filing system.  Intuitive, creative expression is heart-made and awakens you to the freedom of radical self-acceptance.

2012 is the year of the Dragon, so I encourage you to fly fearlessly into vulnerability and breathe fire to transform your life and re-ignite your passion.  Whether you create a list, dine on chocolate chip pancakes by candle light, or splatter paint on paper, make a commitment to re-connect to your creative spirit so you can live the life you want, the life you deserve, and the life you can have.  The time to create your life is NOW!  

Take a risk! Make a mess!  Live Wild!

Random Additions & Resources:

·         A taste of my list. “32 Ways to Nurture Connection in 2012!”

1.   Host a game night once a month.

2.   Write a letter to a friend that requires a stamp and stickers to say “Hello!” just because.

3.   Participate in another yoga teacher training locally or internationally (going for international to broaden horizons)

4.   Invite an accquantance to go on a walk, grab a coffee, or bowling to get to know him/her better.

5.   Try a new recipe in the kitchen and invite a friend over for the taste test. 

6.   Doodle on the edges of a piece of paper (scratch or important) daily.

7.   Dance more!  Out on the town or in my living room….shake the soul!

8.   Meditate at least 5 minutes a day!
9. Ask for help!

Stay tuned for the rest of my list, and start your own.  I’m working on creating a blog where you can post your list and receive support and inspiration from others.  

Be SEEN!  Be HEARD!  Be YOU!

·         Brene¢ Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a new addition to “My Heroes” list.  She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, authenticity and shame, and is now using here work to explore a concept she calls “Wholeheartedness.”

You can listen to her TEDx Talk online at http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

She is also coming to Charlotte on Feb. 5^th to give a talk entitled, “Leaping into Courage.” The event is free, and open to the public.  I have it on my calendar to attend, so let me know if you would like to join me.  http://www.brenebrown.com/event-schedule

·         Where is she now?  Jessica Areen lives in San Francisco and is a Clinical Psychology Intern.  Mrs. Areen still lives in Sacramento and cooks in the same kitchen Jessica and I made a mess in with pancakes.  I have not talked to Jessica since my family moved across the country in 1994.  I discovered the above information on Facebook, but I did email her the article to share how the time we spent together growing up continues to positively impact my life.

·         Where is she now?  Jen Fowler (my friend who inspired my list) can be found teaching yoga at     Yoga One (www.Y1NOW.com) and Melting Point Hot Yoga & Massage (www.meltingpointhotyoga.com)

·         Recipe for Chocolate chip pancakes (eat as is, or create pancake art with your favorite candy) http://www.recipegirl.com/2011/03/26/whole-wheat-chocolate-chip-pancakes/

Vacationing in the Right Brain!

I’m going to use my left brain for a moment and have some logical thoughts starting with the assumption that the fact that you are reading this right now means you are a human.  I will even go so far as to deduce that you also have a brain.  This oval, bumpy, seemingly symmetrical mass between your ears not only regulates all your organ systems, but it also gives you the ability to analyze, engage in logical reasoning, experience emotions, and get lost in imagination.  Because it’s your brain, you have full access to all its nooks and crannies, yet you probably tend to hang out in the folds where you feel most at home and have experienced the most success: logical reasoning or creative expression. 

As adults, we have grown up with the label “left brain” or “right brain” thinker which was most likely determined by our teachers, parents, or an online right vs. left brain quiz.  Knowing how we naturally process, interpret, and interact with our world is a helpful tool to navigate career choices and relationships.  However always defaulting to the same way of thinking can limit our growth and lead to a lopsided noggin. 

Right brainers and left brainers are like fans of rival sports teams; each is loyal to their team but also envies the success and ability of the other.  As a right brainer, I love the journey my creative spirit has lead me on, but I admire those that are analytical and orderly.  I often experience paralysis when I over analyze and I have yet to find an organization system for my life that is efficient and effective.  When a left brainer asks me what I do and I share I’m an Expressive Arts Facilitator, without fail the response is, “oh, I have no artistic ability.” This belief is stated as a fact, but behind their words I can sense a desire to make a mess for no logical reason and without following a formula.    

The exciting part is that we aren’t limited to just two vacation weeks in the other side of our brain a year; we can vacation their whenever we choose.  The   journey to the right brain does not require you to pack any bags, research the tourist destinations, or find someone to feed the animals and bring in the mail.  The moment you squirt paint on your pallet and have brush in hand, you are teleported to the right brain, the birth place of your creativity, intuition, and imagination.  Arriving in the other hemisphere may result in culture shock; however the more you experience the lay of the land, the foreign thought process will become more familiar and integrated into your daily life back home.

 For all you left brainers with, “no artistic ability,” I promise that your right brain has boundless potential to be just as powerful and electrifying.  Exploring your creativity and trusting your intuition might feel just as disorienting and scary as driving on the left side of the road or not knowing how to communicate basic needs like, “where’s the bathroom,” but  DO IT ANYWAY, AND TRAVEL OFTEN!  Get lost in the local culture of paint on the hands, under the nose, and in the hair.  Experience a love affair with a color that makes your heart pound and your belly flutter.  Listen to the sounds of the brush gliding, dragging, or splattering across the paper as it creates an artifact of your journey.  TAKE DEEP BREATHS AND OPEN YOUR HEART TO THE POSSIBILITY.

Like all vacations, collect souvenirs to bring back home.  The more you travel to the land of imagination, the more souvenirs will pile up on your left brain shelves that will inspire you to color outside the lines, grant you the permission to make a mess, and give you the freedom to live your dream.